Beware of Your Own Great Expectations

Everyone knows that dating is an exercise in optimism.

We do it because we are looking for something that will make us better, happier, more fulfilled, even richer. Those are some large goals to meet under any circumstances, let alone ones that are often derailed by happenstance, bad personal chemistry, or runaway emotions and expectations.

Meeting the person of your “dreams” is a problem because no one else knows your dreams.  And even if they did, they still are part of your fantasy to find a better, different and more improved life, but that dream is often not shared by the person you are meeting.  Nor, should you talk about your dreams on a first date since no one can ever meet those great expectations.

Many psychologists say we are hard-wired to be optimists. Studies have found that independent people who envision how they will react in certain situations are better prepared mentally and more optimistic than people who just rely on their reactions to the situation facing them. This means you should think about how you will react if you meet someone who does not meet your expectations. Can you turn that meeting into something positive? Is there something you can learn from that person? Do they have friends who have similar interests?

Many people make the mistake of turning dating into a binary event. They can “X” off a meeting like it did never happened. That is a mistake that reinforces the notion of disposable relationships.

Our brains can play tricks on us. We often fall backwards and think a new date will end up like old ones months or years ago.

Resist this. Instead, remember that people have to power to change the way they think. Maybe that is the key to achieving your own great expectations.

 

 

 

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