Become More Independent As More Single Women Buy Houses Than Ever Before

If you are a single woman and want to feel empowered, buy a house or condo.  

A new study finds that more single women than men are buying their own houses and living alone than ever before. As single-head of households, women now are more financially able to buy homes, plus they want more control over their social and economic lives.

A CNBC report found that “while the number of single women buying houses goes up with age, it drops for single men. Single women comprised 20 percent of homebuyers between the ages of 51 and 60 in 2016, but single men only made up 10 percent.”

The trend is part of women getting better jobs, being able to afford mortgages and the desire to have their own place they can call their own. The trend includes women who are widowed, divorced, and even some who are unmarried with children.

One factor that is driving all this is that women are getting married later in life, so if they want a house, they should buy it earlier than later. Women also want more control over their lives and don’t want to share their living space with someone they don’t want to be with. In short, they see this independence as a new expression of freedom.

This trend affects baby boomer women who are now empty nesters and want to buy single homes, as well as younger women who buy condos mainly for safety reasons. Women should also consider intergenerational housing that will help with sharing the mortgage and other home expenses, as well as some social interaction.

Also, as a person lives alone longer into adulthood, they are less willing to have someone else move in with them.

Citing a famous example, a clip in “Sex in the City” when all of the four main characters in the show lived alone, Amanda one of the show’s main characters, said that men don’t want to date a woman who owns here own place if they are just renting. It is a switch in the power structure and affects the relationship.

So if you can afford it and want to express your independence, buying a house may be the answer.

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Face the New Year With A New You

New Years is celebrated as a time for personal renewal and celebration.

It is also a time when many are forced to face their mistakes and shortcomings.

How do we reconcile these two powerful forces?

First, recognize that New Years is a deadline. It is the time to change the calendar, but it can be much more. For the bold and determined, it offers a chance for renewal. The challenge is to tally up your strengths and weaknesses and avoid making resolutions that are not attainable.

Here are a few modest suggestions for the new year.

  • If you are looking for a mate, reflect on what is keeping you from meeting someone who can complement your life.  What isn’t that happening? Is it because of things you can control? If so, you have the power to make that change quickly.
  • If you have exhausted the pool of dateable men in your area, expand your search. Try a cruise or visit a friend in a different city. It may change your luck.
  • Recognize that people can change, but as we get older, it becomes more difficult.
  • Decide that 2018 will not be just an excuse to buy a new calendar.
  • Change your priorities. Don’t waste time on making unattainable resolutions that will only aggravate you.
  • Be true to your emotions. If you feel sad, be sad. Then, ask what made you sad and work to avoid it in the future.
  • Recognize that there is someone for everyone. Perfection does not exist in human beings. It may exist in diamonds, but not in flesh and blood. People have an emotional core, good and bad. I’m amazed at how many women I meet who have suffered from verbally abusive husbands who degraded them and forced them to leave $2 million homes with the kids without getting any child support.  That was the price they paid to keep  their sanity and to preserve their family and personal dignity. Remarkable, they did not regret the decision to leave, although getting the money would have made their transitions easier.
  • Recognize that you are stronger than you think. History has many examples of inspiring stories of average people who were called upon to be strong. They did not always make the news, but they were strong in many ways that were recognized by friends and family. You can be one of those people. You probably are one already, but do not even know it.

 

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How Breakups Resemble the Death of Someone Close

When people meet and become couples, they create a strong emotional bond.

For some lucky couples, this bond last for years, while for others, this bond can get broken.

When couples break up, it’s a painful event, and commonly resembles what happens when a loved one dies.

Each person in a breakup is damaged.  Given the individual circumstances, both or one will suffer emotional pain for months and possibly years.

In these cases, one or both people will be bereaved since they have suffered a loss.  “Bereaved” comes from the root word meaning “robbed.”  Losing a loved one is being robbed on that attachment.

The could will also go through a period of grief that is very individualized.  It is a form of internal emotional pain.

People will enter a period of mourning, which is an external expression of this loss.

Finally, there is a period of healing.  The difference is that in a death, there is a finality to the event.

In a dating situation, there is always the possibility of getting back together.  In my book, I note that a writer one said “The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce.”

For people over 50, I think reconciliation is the best choice since dating at that age or older is an intense emotional, financial and physical quest. People over 50 are also more aware of their own finality. With  that in mind, reconciliation is the best path. It sure beats starting out all over again.

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