Are Women More Honest Than Men? New Study Says “Yes”




This is one of the oldest discussions in the war between the sexes and a new study may help settle this question.

In a study of men and women worldwide, a study by AppZen found that men are the biggest offenders of expense report fraud by a wide margin, according to proprietary data from their Expense Report Audit platform.

Of all expense fraud detected by AppZen, only 12.3% were submitted by women, while 87.7% were submitted by men, according to Josephine McCann, senior marketing associate atAppZen.

This number is even higher if you consider that men outnumber women in the workplace worldwide.The Pew Research Center analyzed the labor force data of over 114 nations between 2010 and 2016. Across all these countries, the share of women in the workforce is 45.4%. Since there are fewer women in the workplace, women have less opportunity in general to commit expense report fraud.

Women Take Less Risk

“So, to norm for the disparity in the sheer quantity of women in the workplace, we went ahead and did the math: Even if the workplace were split 50/50 in terms of gender, still only 13.54% of expense misconduct would be committed by women. Accordingly, the “fewer women in the workplace” hypothesis can be discarded,” McCann said.

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, only 28% of C-level positions are held by women. “So, again, norming for the math, in a perfect world in which the entire office and the C-suite within it were split 50-50 across genders, women would still only commit 28% of the expense report misconduct. Accordingly, the ‘lack of female power hypothesis’ can also be removed,” she continued.

Another factor from AppZen found that women may commit less fraud because they take less risk. Too much testosterone, combined with a different attitude, helps men take more risk, so they test the limits of being caught.

So how can this affect your dating plans?

It may be just another interesting fact, or it could show that what you may find distrustful in your boyfriend may be a characteristic of many men.

For more stories on the trials and tribulations of beauty and online dating,

see the book “You Don’t Think I’m Beautiful.



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Remembering Queen Esther, Without the Makeup

In our last post (Why We Show Our Beautiful Face), we noted how beauty is a key factor that holds the self-confidence and persona of people together.

Beauty is how we view ourselves. It helps us navigate through the world and determines how we view others and how others view us.

While it is uncertain which is more important, the interplay between our beautiful selves and how others see us is part of a changing constellation of how we build or demolish our self-esteem.

But there is another part of the story of what make-up can, and cannot, produce. The problem is that cosmetics often only affects your external beauty. It makes you feel better and more in control, but it also should improve your inner beauty. The key is to make your beauty more than skin deep.

This is not a new concept. Consider the story of the biblical figure, Queen Esther, a heroine in Jewish history, who used her inner beauty, devoid of makeup, to convince King Ahasuerus (Xerxes I, 485—465 BCE) of Persia to save the Jews from a massacre.

In the story, Esther’s “true honor of the princess is within” (Psalms 45:15) meaning she had an inner beauty many others missed, but this quality attracted the attention of the King, whose favorite harem wife, Vashti, was a palace favorite since she would dance naked in front of dinner guests.

As told in an article by Sara Esther Crispe, “Esther was actually of a greenish complexion, but that she had a ’thread of grace’ that was upon her. We are taught that when the internal is elevated and beautiful, it will show through to the external, so that she can be seen as nothing other than beautiful.”

Esther’s inner charm and cunning saved her people, while Vashti succumbed to old age and was ultimately banished from the palace. Vashti’s makeup and firm body did not save her, and she lost out to a woman of inner beauty.

Almost 2,500 years later, cosmetics has become a $382 billion a year business worldwide. But what are women buying?

Products that make women look better on the outside, when true beauty is really found on the inside.

In my book, You Don’t Think I’m Beautiful, I met many women who looked very different face-to-face than their online photos.  One woman boasted to me that her online photo was enhanced with the help of a world renowned makeup artist and in person this was very evident.  I don’t know why she told me this since it was too evident, but she did, and it only exaggerated the gap between exterior and interior beauty.

I never saw her after that, but she bet that the impact of makeup and its temporary deception that fades from day to night and sun to shade did not compensate for that inner quality that always shines through.

Sadly, there are too many stories like that, but this is not a slam on cosmetics, only on their managed role in building a relationship and knowing that it has limitations that can easily be overcome by other more permanent, human qualities.

For more stories on the trials and tribulations of online dating, read the book, You Don’t Think I’m Beautiful, on Amazon.


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Why We Show Our Beautiful Face to the World



Beauty is a key factor that holds the self-confidence and persona of many people together. Beauty is how we view ourselves, and it determines how other people view us.  It helps the way we navigate through the world and determines how we view others and how others view us.  This is what helped create the selfie-generation. No other generation worldwide in human history has never been this vain and self-important. 

While it is uncertain what’s more important, the interplay between our beautiful selves and how others see us is part of a changing constellation of how we build or demolish our self-esteem.

Beauty is a not a constant.  Blanche DuBois, the fading Southern belle in the 1951 film, A Streetcar Named Desire, sees her altering beauty as part of her fading aristocratic background. As this classic American film opens, it’s evident that Blanche (played by Kim Hunter) is psychologically fragile and personally awkward with her brother-in-law, Stanley Kowalski (played by Marlon Brando.)

But throughout the film’s development, Blanche is constantly aware of her looks and as the tension builds between her and Kowalski, Blanche breaks under the stain and she looks older and more fragile.  

While the movie and play have become American classics (the film and its major stars won numerous Academy and Golden Globe Awards), the changing role of beauty is one element that drives the tension 

and the character development forward.

While not as dramatic, women continue to value the products that can enhance their beauty. One site found that the average woman spends $15,000 during her lifetime on cosmetics, of which $3,770 is spent to purchase mascara. (Remember: the eyes are the windows to the soul.) This includes money spent on perfume, foundation, lipstick, skin care, mascara. The research also found that half of all women who buy makeup say it makes them feel more in control of situations. Why? Maybe it enhances their self-esteem.   

But the same benefit that makeup provides applies to all women worldwide. About 85% of all cosmetics worldwide are bought by women who spend $382 billion on products to make them look better on the outside.

So if cosmetics affect your external beauty, and it makes you feel better and more in control, it should also improve your inner beauty. The key is to make your beauty more than skin deep.

For more stories on the trials and tribulations of beauty and online dating,

see the book “You Don’t Think I’m Beautiful.


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Who Are You Anyway?




If you are dating and looking for a mate, that task is more difficult if you don’t know who you are.

If you don’t have a solid self-identity, how can you find someone who is compatible with you?

Identity comes from your own history, memory and how you know and remember events in your own life.

When you have an identity, you keep it intact by knowing right from wrong, especially as it reinforces your own personal boundaries.  This means you stay away from people, events and places where things are happening that don’t agree with who you are.

Another way to bolster and display your identity is by voicing values.  If you sit idly by while you witness bad things happening either in person or on TV, you are a party to that violation of your own identity.  Life is not a passive event.  It needs your active participation if you are to advance yourself and bolster your identity.

You can also strengthen your identity through individual contemplation, ritual worship and prayer.  These  religious or spiritual actions should reflect your own history and help you remember important events from your own lifetime.

When you have your own history, memory and identity established, you will be more confident in whom you are and be in a better position to find someone who compliments who you know you are. Only then will you know who you really are.

There is more on this topic in the book, You Don’t Think I’m Beautiful, available on Amazon. 


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The Woman Who Hated Puppies

In any dating situation, there is a time when there is the opportunity to advance a relationship.  

This means more communications will be necessary. Often, this is a difficult task. I’ve found that most men have a hard time communicating since it is a complicated process. The reason is that many men have limited emotional vocabularies.  

Sitting a loved one down and saying you have something important to tell her can be ominous and awkward.  If it is not a health alert or news that something bad happened to the dog, what could it be?

One way to test the waters is to ask a simple question: Do you like puppies?

Of course, it may not be that direct, but you can gauge the level of sincerity in the answer and by other responses.  Is the person considerate?  Do they believe in charity and giving someone else an even break? Are they too focused on the bling in American culture and little else?

Since there is a clear divide in our political culture today, some of these questions indicate more about a person than they may want to reveal. So use your instinct and judgment to find out if the person you are dating really hates puppies.  If they do, move on.



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Beware of Your Own Great Expectations

Everyone knows that dating is an exercise in optimism.

We do it because we are looking for something that will make us better, happier, more fulfilled, even richer. Those are some large goals to meet under any circumstances, let alone ones that are often derailed by happenstance, bad personal chemistry, or runaway emotions and expectations.

Meeting the person of your “dreams” is a problem because no one else knows your dreams.  And even if they did, they still are part of your fantasy to find a better, different and more improved life, but that dream is often not shared by the person you are meeting.  Nor, should you talk about your dreams on a first date since no one can ever meet those great expectations.

Many psychologists say we are hard-wired to be optimists. Studies have found that independent people who envision how they will react in certain situations are better prepared mentally and more optimistic than people who just rely on their reactions to the situation facing them. This means you should think about how you will react if you meet someone who does not meet your expectations. Can you turn that meeting into something positive? Is there something you can learn from that person? Do they have friends who have similar interests?

Many people make the mistake of turning dating into a binary event. They can “X” off a meeting like it did never happened. That is a mistake that reinforces the notion of disposable relationships.

Our brains can play tricks on us. We often fall backwards and think a new date will end up like old ones months or years ago.

Resist this. Instead, remember that people have to power to change the way they think. Maybe that is the key to achieving your own great expectations.




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Are You Suffering From Dating Fatigue?

Face it: Some people are under a lot of pressure to find a mate. That pressure can come from family, friends and co-workers. These people may all mean well, but collectively it puts a person under a lot of false pressure to rush to judgement.

Stop the process. When I was looking for a girlfriend, I spent too much time on dating sites and wasted thousands of dollars driving up and down Routes 75 and 95 in South Florida going on short dates and ending up in the most expensive, mediocre restaurants in that local zip code.

In the process, I wasted huge amounts of emotional energy pushing for something which was not happening. Now, it is true you never know when lightning strikes.

And you also have to be open to possibilities; try something new. Doing something new now only bombards and ignites the senses, but opens your eyes to new possibilities. This is when something new–a fresh insight, sparking a good memory from your past, meeting a new person–may happen to you,

But a person needs time to reflect. This is one way to beat dating fatigue.

Try it. You should be better off.


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When Bad Guys Win and What it Means in Dating

In the Carolina’s Campaign during the Civil War in February 1865, Confederate commander Wade Hampton started executing captured Union soldiers from General William Tecumseh Sherman’s cavalry.
A clear violation of the rules of war, General Sherman sent a note to Hampton under a truce flag demanding that he stop the executions. A defiant Hampton said he would not stop the killings, so Sherman made captured Confederate soldiers choose lots to see who would be executed in retaliation for the killings done by Hampton. This only happened one time, reports said, since the Union soldiers could not accept the practice.

As for Hampton, he survived the Civil War, lived another 37 years, and true to form, became a white supremacist terrorist leader, a governor of South Carolina and a U.S. Senator. He died at age 84. A statue of him was erected on the grounds of the state capital and numerous streets were named after him throughout South Carolina, the state where the Confederacy was founded. No coincidence that South Carolina was the first state which voted to secede from the Union on Dec. 20, 1860. Hampton’s post-Civil War life showed that Reconstruction was barely started and never completed.

Hampton’s statue

What Does This have To Do With Dating?
Today, we see bad guys in government, corporate life, business and even in the clergy abusing others to various degrees and getting away with it. There is no immediate retribution and the abuses go on for decades. Worse, many offenders get away with it for their entire lifetimes.

When we see bad guys getting away with their offenses, it darkens our views about justice, right and wrong, and the abuses of power. This has happened in every culture throughout history regardless of race, religion, nationality, and class status.

Good people (and you know who you are) stand apart from the tainted and stand up for what’s right. The problem is that too many people intentionally look away and avoid the atrocities. Some of have reasons to avoid the injustice, but many take the easy way out and feign blindness.

All religions have at least one teaching that says individuals must use their power to do the right thing. You don’t need any special permission to use it. Just use the power that resides in you.

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Are You a Hero?

We commonly under-rate themselves. We don’t recognize our own strengths and, importantly, what we have accomplished.

Often we forget the biggest heroes are not the people we see who run into burning buildings or swim into the ocean to save someone. Those are the people who make the news.  But there are millions of others who are just as brave. You are probably one of these people. 

You can be a hero if you overcome personal or financial obstacles to accomplish something that benefits you, your family or friends.

The big difference is that only you know it, but that does not diminish its impact. You should receive a lot of self-satisfaction for doing these things, but don’t expect a party or a medal.

Instead, you know what you accomplished and you should go over the events that made you a hero and carry the feeling inside. Meditate on it and how it makes you feel. Make that feeling a part of your day.

With this feeling in place, you should not succumb to feelings of self-doubt or being ruled by your ego.  Work to avoid the negative.

Everyday women and men are often heroes, but real heroes do not need to be recognized every day. It is part of their personality and soul. It is a feeling no one can ever take away from you.



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Can We Control How Others Perceive Us?

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is an old saying, but can we control how others view us?

The answer is yes, and new research shows how it can happen.  It’s a complex process, but it starts because the brain processes current events to conform to past experiences. This can be good or bad when we are dating since we can go into a new meeting with our emotions set at a hair-trigger level, ready to go off in extremes in an instant. 

Now, adults know this is not the way to judge people, but it takes a strong person to keep these hair-trigger emotions in check when we meet a new potential partner.

These hair-trigger events can be set off by a single word or visual that conveys a negative or positive meaning. As described in a new book, How Emotions Are Made, by Lisa Feldman Barrett, our perceptions of emotions and experiences happen in an instant. We evolved this way as a way of protection and to control our autonomic bodily functions, such as how we breathe and control our immune system and metabolism.

In modern society, these old ways of processing new information can pose a problem because the brain processes new information (such as meeting a new date) by comparing it to old experiences. When the new experience does not conform to the old experiences, the brain has to stimulate neurons in a new way.

This happens all the time. For instance, when a baseball player goes to the plate, his brain has to anticipate where the pitch will pass in front of him because if the body did not prepare in advance, it would not be in a position to hit the ball.

Similarly, we anticipate a sensation in advance of a meeting, but we don’t always feel these internal emotional changes. As a result, the brain helps us determine which resources are needed to respond to these emotional changes. This includes everything from associating queasy feelings after eating bad food to being attracted to a person you meet for the first time.

What makes it easier to connect your mind and body is by exercising and eating right. Having this mind-body balance is a way to controlling your emotions. When you control your emotions, you are in a better position to meet someone new.


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