Everyone has some history and when you go out with someone, they bring that history along with them.
That’s inevitable, but as a dater you have a few choices.
A main part of this is how they got to be in front of you on that first date in the first place.
Were they widowed, divorced or never married? (For some intrepid daters, that person may still even be married, but that is a topic for another post.)
And based on their past history, how should that affect your attitude towards them? Even more important, how would they act in any new relationship based on their past experience?
These are all big, important questions, but here are a few things to consider:
- Divorced people have almost all gone through an emotional rollercoaster. But in many of those situations, there was often a victim and a perpetrator. The question for any new dater is which half of that partnership, and to what degree, is standing in front of you now?
- For people who were never married, the main question is why? Bad luck, too picky, attention deficit order, a perpetual playboy or playgirl, or someone who is just holding out for that “perfect partner”?
- Widows and widowers, depending on how many years they were married and how many times they were married, can often show partner dedication, loyalty and an ability to adapt to the situational roller-coaster that is inherent in any relationship.
From my experience, I have met them all, including women who have been divorced three times. Others made out very well financially and were divorced a few times. Did this make them more emotionally unstable? Not necessarily, but they had seen a lot, in many cases more than I did emotionally.
So who is the best choice? It is all based on individual preferences, luck and availability. If there is anything true in dating is that there are few absolute rules. There is someone for everyone, but everyone also has suffered an emotional roller-coaster in any relationship. It is an adventure. But it all makes for interesting , often expensive, experiences.
For more stories on the trials and tribulations of online dating,
see the book “You Don’t Think I’m Beautiful.“