When Bad Guys Win and What it Means in Dating

In the Carolina’s Campaign during the Civil War in February 1865, Confederate commander Wade Hampton started executing captured Union soldiers from General William Tecumseh Sherman’s cavalry.
A clear violation of the rules of war, General Sherman sent a note to Hampton under a truce flag demanding that he stop the executions. A defiant Hampton said he would not stop the killings, so Sherman made captured Confederate soldiers choose lots to see who would be executed in retaliation for the killings done by Hampton. This only happened one time, reports said, since the Union soldiers could not accept the practice.

As for Hampton, he survived the Civil War, lived another 37 years, and true to form, became a white supremacist terrorist leader, a governor of South Carolina and a U.S. Senator. He died at age 84. A statue of him was erected on the grounds of the state capital and numerous streets were named after him throughout South Carolina, the state where the Confederacy was founded. No coincidence that South Carolina was the first state which voted to secede from the Union on Dec. 20, 1860. Hampton’s post-Civil War life showed that Reconstruction was barely started and never completed.

Hampton’s statue

What Does This have To Do With Dating?
Today, we see bad guys in government, corporate life, business and even in the clergy abusing others to various degrees and getting away with it. There is no immediate retribution and the abuses go on for decades. Worse, many offenders get away with it for their entire lifetimes.

When we see bad guys getting away with their offenses, it darkens our views about justice, right and wrong, and the abuses of power. This has happened in every culture throughout history regardless of race, religion, nationality, and class status.

Good people (and you know who you are) stand apart from the tainted and stand up for what’s right. The problem is that too many people intentionally look away and avoid the atrocities. Some of have reasons to avoid the injustice, but many take the easy way out and feign blindness.

All religions have at least one teaching that says individuals must use their power to do the right thing. You don’t need any special permission to use it. Just use the power that resides in you.

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Dating in the Trump Era

We are all creatures of our age.

Current events shape our lives and our attitudes towards the world.

That’s why the turmoil surrounding the Trump presidency have sapped into our daily lives and even into our dating process.

Recent studies have shown that there is a great divide between hard-line Democrats and Trump supporters and that being a hard-core Trump supporter is a deal-breaker for many. Many people of all ages are also depressed.

Yet while this is decried by many, it also shows we have core social and political values that cannot be compromised. This is a good thing. It even makes it easier to weed out potential companions who do not value what you consider important.

But it also raises the question about how we compromise in any relationship. What do we consider important and what makes another person incompatible?

So, what does dating in the Trump Era look like?

  • While challenging, it gives us a chance to clarify our values;
  • It is an opportunity to improve our inter-personal communications;
  • It can lead us to showing more compassion towards others;
  • It gives us the opportunity  to express ourselves honestly, without blame, shame or criticism. We can learn to liberate ourselves from judging others and ourselves.
  • We can become more self-confident and avoid reacting from fear, guilt, anger and depression.

So the Trump presidency may have a silver lining if we can improve ourselves.


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