5 Things to Remember If You are Over 50 and Dating

Face it: Finding someone you like at any age is a challenge.

Yet when you are past 50-years-old, time is not on your side. Due to demographics, the pool of available males is smaller than females. When you put the men through the screening processes of health and wealth, this pool gets even smaller.

So if you are a woman over 50, here are five suggestions to help you attract a better mate:

  • Be honest about who you are, what you look like and what you can offer. I know women aged 65 who say they are 57 on Match.com. If you were to meet this woman in person, her real age would not be a secret, but her credibility would be wasted for life. 
  • Be alert to “working angels.” In the book, The Thirteen Petalled Rose, author Adin Steinsalz talks about the two kinds of angels who inhabit the four worlds in the Kabbalistic system. Some of these angels were created by G-d, while others were created as a result of man’s deeds, thoughts and actions. Be aware of your angels in your concentrated spirituality, but remember: angels can also be destructive who will work against you.
  • The Old Testament speaks of 36 righteous people (the Lamed-vov) who have been illuminated with the divine spirit. These anonymous, unnoticed people prevent the world from being destroyed. These people are kind, pious and help others without the desire to receive anything in return. Their identity is a secret, but they exist. Make it your task to find one of these people who can be your soul mate forever.
  • Be adventurous. It’s difficult, but it may be worth stretching your standards within comfortable bounds. People over 50 facing, or in retirement, have to make lifestyle changes to adapt. You probably did to, but don’t realize you have much more time on your hands, and few real things to do (aside from daily menial tasks.) Do something to break the routine.
  • Don’t dwell on past relationships or hatred of past partners. Revenge is a negative force and always has two victims: the one seeking revenge and the person who is hated. Break this cycle. Learn to forgive.


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Are You a Hero?

We commonly under-rate themselves. We don’t recognize our own strengths and, importantly, what we have accomplished.

Often we forget the biggest heroes are not the people we see who run into burning buildings or swim into the ocean to save someone. Those are the people who make the news.  But there are millions of others who are just as brave. You are probably one of these people. 

You can be a hero if you overcome personal or financial obstacles to accomplish something that benefits you, your family or friends.

The big difference is that only you know it, but that does not diminish its impact. You should receive a lot of self-satisfaction for doing these things, but don’t expect a party or a medal.

Instead, you know what you accomplished and you should go over the events that made you a hero and carry the feeling inside. Meditate on it and how it makes you feel. Make that feeling a part of your day.

With this feeling in place, you should not succumb to feelings of self-doubt or being ruled by your ego.  Work to avoid the negative.

Everyday women and men are often heroes, but real heroes do not need to be recognized every day. It is part of their personality and soul. It is a feeling no one can ever take away from you.



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Can We Control How Others Perceive Us?

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is an old saying, but can we control how others view us?

The answer is yes, and new research shows how it can happen.  It’s a complex process, but it starts because the brain processes current events to conform to past experiences. This can be good or bad when we are dating since we can go into a new meeting with our emotions set at a hair-trigger level, ready to go off in extremes in an instant. 

Now, adults know this is not the way to judge people, but it takes a strong person to keep these hair-trigger emotions in check when we meet a new potential partner.

These hair-trigger events can be set off by a single word or visual that conveys a negative or positive meaning. As described in a new book, How Emotions Are Made, by Lisa Feldman Barrett, our perceptions of emotions and experiences happen in an instant. We evolved this way as a way of protection and to control our autonomic bodily functions, such as how we breathe and control our immune system and metabolism.

In modern society, these old ways of processing new information can pose a problem because the brain processes new information (such as meeting a new date) by comparing it to old experiences. When the new experience does not conform to the old experiences, the brain has to stimulate neurons in a new way.

This happens all the time. For instance, when a baseball player goes to the plate, his brain has to anticipate where the pitch will pass in front of him because if the body did not prepare in advance, it would not be in a position to hit the ball.

Similarly, we anticipate a sensation in advance of a meeting, but we don’t always feel these internal emotional changes. As a result, the brain helps us determine which resources are needed to respond to these emotional changes. This includes everything from associating queasy feelings after eating bad food to being attracted to a person you meet for the first time.

What makes it easier to connect your mind and body is by exercising and eating right. Having this mind-body balance is a way to controlling your emotions. When you control your emotions, you are in a better position to meet someone new.


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