Does the Fear of Abandonment Drive Dating?

One of the unspoken fears of many men and women in the dating scene is that they want to not be alone. Finding a companion, a best friend, companion and lover is the goal for many. This is accompanied by an unspoken universal fear of being alone for a long time.

This is the fear of abandonment, which produces feelings of being personally shattered and then suffering from withdrawal, and internalized rage. Many of these are behaviors we learned in childhood, or from a previous breakup.

Whatever the reasons, they produce self-defeating behaviors that retard personal growth, diminish your self-esteem and ability to love.  But there is a way out. Find out more in the book.


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Surprising Sexual Preferences Found Between Men and Women

What do men and women secretly prefer in their sexual relationships and  adventures?

The results may surprise you.

In the new book, Everybody Lies, written by a Google researcher and author Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, the research found a few surprises:

  • Women prefer to watch porn more than men, and the search for “violent porn” is more popular among women then men;
  • Women also prefer to watching movies about kidnapping  and horror.  These are fantasy escapes for most women, so it does no indicate they want this to happen, but it was noted by researchers;
  • Women also watch lesbian porn, but most are not lesbians;
  • More women than men say their partner will not have sex with them, as opposed to vice versa;
  • Men tend to be concerned about the size of their penises, especially as they get older;
  • Women are very concerned about their vaginal odor, especially younger women;
  • Men and women have less sex than they claim to have in conversations. This is a cultural thing, since there is a lot of pressure for people to say they have more sex than they actually experience.

So while these results may surprise you, do not despair.

We are all human and suffer from insecurities and strengths.  The memoir, You Don’t Think I’m Beautiful,” explores both from a first-hand perspective.

One lesson to be learned from this lifelong adventure is that you can come out stronger if you pursue a challenge, regardless of the outcome. If you avoid the challenges, you miss out on participating in the lifelong adventure and you are just a spectator to your own life.

And that could be the greatest tragedy of all.

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How Can You Tell If There Will Be a Second Date?

Getting a first date is hard enough, but how do you know if you will be asked out again?

This is a common question, but new research provides some answers.

In the book, Everybody Lies, Google researcher and author Seth Stephens-Davidowitz found that women will often use the word “I” a lot in their initial date conversations, while a man conveys they are interested by talking in a monotone voice. 

This may be counter-intuitive for men, but if the woman talks about herself a lot it shows, but men interpret that to show that the woman is confiding in them and showing that she wants to share her experiences. Men pick up and that and it helps form a relationship.

If a woman is not interested in her date, she will use words that hedge her interest, such as “kind of”, “probably” or “sort of” when being asked a direct question.

Men can increase their chances of getting a second date of they laugh at their date’s jokes, or showing support for her tribulations and challenges she faced.   

The research also found that men and women both lie about the amount of sex they have, but that is the topic for another post.

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