The Devastating Impact of Breakups

After a breakup, each person has their own road to follow and time needed to recovery.  Since the brain treats any breakup in the same way as the death of a loved one, this is a traumatic and stressful time, as anyone of any age who has gone through it can attest.

After a breakup, each person suffers from decreases in self-concept, lower self esteem and loneliness. This can be made even more worse when the breakup is sudden and all communications are cut off.

People do recover after a breakup, however.  It takes time and now there is a new study that shows how some people can cope with the breakup better than other,  The study in the Social Psychological and Personality Science journal, conducted by Grace M. Larson and David A. Sbarra, found that despite the common advice  friends often give to one party in a breakup, it is better to dwell on the other person after a breakup because it improves self-esteem, and gives you a better perspective when you share your feelings about the breakup with other. Personal reflection also leads to a faster recovery.

But the study, like many others falls short of providing large pieces about the puzzle of broken relationships. Some couples break up over a reason; others don’t. Some couples break up over time; others do it overnight.  Some couples do it by mutual agreement; others by the decision of only one partner, which leaves the other person grasping for answers and reconciliation.

This is part of the universal human condition.  The ill-effects of a break up are in every race, culture and nationality because we are all human. Breaking up is one of the most common human experiences we all share, along with birth, death, happiness, joy, pain and suffering. Studies like this offer some small insights, but they do not offer any real answers to the human condition which has no universal answers.

 

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Don’t Forget Your Own Needs and Desires

We often become so caught up in trying to please others that we forget our own needs and desires. We lose sight of our own path and when we finally “wake up,” we realize we’re no longer moving in a direction that matches our real purpose in life: to makes ourselves and a partner happy.

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What Separates Love From Hate?

When do you cross the fine line between love and hate?

Many broken relationships are tainted by this emotional dilemma. After all, how can people who once wanted to spend their precious time together suddenly want to avoid or never see their former partner?

It’s more common problem than we think, but the worst thing is to cut off all communications with your former partner. It’s a cruel thing and it prevents couples from re-uniting again. We can disagree, but we must communicate. The alternative is to start dating all over again and that is a time consuming hassle. Better to reconcile than start the search all over again.

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How We Grieve After Bad Breakups

The mind considers a bad breakup the same as a death. It triggers the same chemical reactions and profound loss.

Commonly, it is followed by restlessness, hostility, and an overwhelming preoccupation with our ex-companion. Some people fall into chronic grief, but most people are more resilient over time.

The difference between grieving over someone who dies and breaking up, it that you can see your see you ex again. Seeing the dead again requires a miracle. Seeing your ex again only requires humanity.

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What Do Men and Women Look for in an Online Date?

What do men and women look for in selecting an online date? It’s not so simple and it differs by sex. When people were asked to rank these qualities–fidelity, physical attractiveness, income and kindness–their answers differed.

Men value physical attractiveness highest, while women look for kindness and intelligence. Women also look for a bundle of these traits in a man, while men can make a black-or-white decision if the women is not attractive enough.

In online dating, it takes more time to detect some of these traits than others, but what about detecting if a person is neurotic or flighty? Not so easy. Researchers also found that people are attracted to each other if they speak alike.

Read more on The Atlantic… 

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